So, you’ve just welcomed Samantha into your team — one of your dearest friends! You’re excited and optimistic, envisioning how great it will be to have someone you know and trust on your side. But let's hit the brakes for just a moment, you’re going to need some pointers on how to manage friends at work, after all, this isn’t your colleague-turned-coffee buddy.
With years of experience in HR and counseling owners, CEOs, and entrepreneurs, we can guarantee— it's no walk in the park. In nearly every scenario, there’s a strain on the relationship. Balancing friendships and workplace hierarchy requires tact and finesse, and the biggest challenge? Ensuring mutual respect amidst the demand of ensuring the health and survival of your organization.
As leader, your priorities lie in fostering the success of your organization and championing the well-being of your team members. However, in the immortal words of Mr. Spock — “You cannot sacrifice the many for the one.”
Yes, this viewpoint might draw some side-eye, but unpopular opinions are valid too. Remember, every situation is unique, and if this doesn’t align with your current scenario, congratulations! Keep up the good fight!
For the rest of us — you might want to keep reading.
The cornerstone of any relationship is communication. And this relationship is no different. Imagine you and your friend have this amazing rapport. You finish each other's sentences, know each other’s coffee orders, and can communicate an entire conversation through just one glance. Now, you’re in a work setting, and suddenly, you feel this urge to cushion your feedback or perhaps avoid conversations that could be tricky. It’s precisely in these moments where you must step up and do the darn thing.
So, communicate early and often. In fact, it’s a good idea to have an honest chat before your friend even becomes part of the team. Talk about how the dynamics of the relationship will surely change — and how you both are going to handle that. No, it won’t be the most pleasant conversation you ever had, but clear, and honest communication trumps comfort.
Why is this so crucial? Because ambiguity festers, leading to confusion and misplaced expectations. Don’t sidestep or sugarcoat things. While it may be tempting to wrap feedback in layers of softness, especially when talking to a friend, remember that your friend, more than anyone, should be able to handle honesty from you.
All in all, it boils down to ensuring the growth and success of your company and team.
Another thing to review is boundaries. They’re more than just keeping personal and professional topics separate. Boundaries establish an understanding that, in the office, certain protocols need to be respected for the organization to function well. This means there might be instances when you must make decisions your friend might not see eye-to-eye with or offer feedback they might find tough to swallow. Boundaries early on ensure that they understand business decisions are made with the hat of a leader, not a friend.
On top of that, merely setting boundaries doesn’t cut it; consistency in upholding them is critical. Mixed signals can lead to confusion, and that’s a slippery slope.
Imagine this: it’s a Saturday afternoon, and you’re enjoying a barbecue with your friends, Samantha is there. You start chatting about a work project. The next day, you have to give them feedback on their work that’s not so positive. How do you think that conversation will go?
In this moment, you must remember to maintain your professionalism. Blending personal fun with work chatter won’t yield the best outcome. After-work gatherings are a brilliant space to unwind, share a laugh, and reinforce camaraderie. But there’s a caveat. When the conversation starts veering away from work projects and towards gossip or office politics, especially with a friend who now works under you, it’s time to steer the ship back to neutral waters.
Discussing work subjects outside of work blurs the lines of your professional relationship. Today, you’re having a light chat about a colleague’s quirky habits. Tomorrow, it could be a serious discussion about strategic decisions or team dynamics. And if that chat isn’t kept in the right context, misinterpretations can arise. These subtle shifts might not seem impactful right away, but over time, they can lead to biases, mistrust, or even favoritism, throwing your leadership into question.
As a leader, you’re often in the driver’s seat of these types of conversations. So, the responsibility lies with you to set the tone. And don’t forget your role in enhancing, not tearing down the culture of the team. If that doesn’t make you sit up and take notice, try this — in certain circumstances, you, as a manager, may end up being legally liable if someone feels they're being singled out or discriminated against. So, if you sense that boundaries are teetering on the edge in a discussion, gently guide the conversation away from the topic. It not only protects your leadership credibility but also ensures your friendship remains untarnished.
For better or for worse — optics matter. Let’s get real for a moment. You’ve got your buddy on the team, and sure, you two go way back. But in the workplace, its game time, and everyone has to play by the same rules. It’s not about the actual game but how it looks from the bleachers.
For example, let’s say you gave your friend a challenging project or cool opportunity. In your mind, it’s because they’ve got the skills. But what’s the office chatter going to say? It’s easy for whispers of favoritism to start, even if wasn’t your intention. And once the ball gets rolling, it’s a challenge to stop it.
When the team senses a “teacher’s pet” situation, well, that’s Kryptonite for morale. You want a motivated team? Well, they have to believe the game’s fair. In a nutshell: play fair, and make sure your team sees it that way. When everyone knows they’re on an even playing field, you’ve got a team that’s all in.
And it doesn’t end there, our last point has to do with confidentiality. Listen, just because someone’s been with you since those embarrassing high school moments, doesn't mean they get a backstage pass to all the work secrets. It’s not about being stingy with info. It's about keeping the integrity of your leadership role. It’s your responsibility to hold sensitive information confidential. If you don’t, then how can you be trusted?
What, you swore your friend to secrecy? Well, remember what Mark Twain said, “Two people can keep a secret — if one of them is dead.”
In essence, while the bond of friendship is special and cherished, the dynamics at work have their own set of rules. Managing friends who now report to you requires a balance of professionalism, communication, and respect for boundaries. While the ideal scenario might be to avoid this type of situation altogether (which, by the way — is our recommendation), if you're already in it, these pointers should help get you through. Prioritize the organization’s health, the team’s morale, and the clarity of your professional relationship and you might just strike the right balance. It’s tricky, but not impossible.
That’s it for now, until next time! As always, thank you for taking time out of your day to join us. Onward!
